


How The Krinch Stole Christmas

by 5557



Series: dear god no one on this website reads or cares about poetry [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Christmas, Comedy, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Galra Keith (Voltron), How The Grinch Stole Christmas, M/M, Parody, Poetry, Suess-based copyright violation, oh god im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 19:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9003961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5557/pseuds/5557
Summary: The Arusians on Arus had a winter traditionOf gift-giving and feasting by their own admissionWhen snow was around and the days short and darkThe Arusians strung lights up and sang in the parkAnd their voices rang loudly, with a festival trillReaching out to the castle, up on the hillThey were singing and singing and after a whileThe Paladins noticed, and to it, they smiledThe Paladins all were delighted with knowingEven here, out on Arus, that candles were glowingIn houses where families all did conspireTo send thanks to each other, eat food and retireAnd wait till tomorrow when sleigh bells did ringAnd Christmas would come and it’d be quite the thing!With Hunk in the kitchen, his head in the fridgeAnd Lance in the common room, arguing with PidgeAllura was stuck reading mission reportsCoran sat with Shiro, talking Altean sportsAnd no one had noticed the lack of a memberQuiet, sullen and moody since the start of December





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lady_mab](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_mab/gifts).



> Here is my secret santa gift that I somehow finished in a single night because my life is in shambles. I hope you enjoy, [lil-miss-banana](http://lil-miss-banana.tumblr.com/)
> 
> My secret santa requested **How the Grinch Stole Christmas** by Dr. Suess, but with Galra Keith and Klance and I couldn’t not do that. Um, if this isn’t what you like, I can make something else.

The Arusians on Arus had a winter tradition  
Of gift-giving and feasting by their own admission

When snow was around, and the days short and dark  
The Arusians strung lights up, and sang in the park

And their voices rang loudly, with a festival trill  
Reaching out to the castle, up on the hill

They were singing and singing, and after a while  
The Paladins noticed, and to it, they smiled

The Paladins all were delighted with knowing  
Even here, out on Arus, that candles were glowing

In houses where families all did conspire  
To send thanks to each other, eat food, and retire

And wait till tomorrow when sleigh bells did ring  
And Christmas would come, and it’d be quite the thing!

With Hunk in the kitchen, his head in the fridge  
And Lance in the common room, arguing with Pidge

Allura was stuck reading mission reports  
Coran sat with Shiro, talking Altean sports

And no one had noticed the lack of a member  
Quiet, sullen, and moody since the start of December

But there was one kid who did nothing but frown  
He refused to eat breakfast, or even come down

From his room in the castle, all detached and alone  
Keith hated the season; it reminded him of home

He hated the music with his large bat-like ears  
And he hated the food and the gifts and the tears

But what Keith hated most with a huff and a shrug  
Was that all the Arusians liked to hug and to HUG!

He swore he would go down and end all the singing  
And feasting and hugging and selfless gift-giving

He’d get in his Lion, and stop Christmas this year!  
Thought Keith, in his bedroom, grinding his gears

And with that, he changed, all his pounds-per-square-inch  
He was no longer Keith. He was only THE KRINCH

He stayed tucked away, ‘til the hour was late  
Then snuck out in the hallway, boiling with hate

Down to the hangar, and into his Lion  
The Krinch slid, with expertise, soon to be flyin’

Away down to ‘Ruville with mirthful sedition  
To ruin their Christmas, and all their traditions

The Red Lion growled, not with passion, but warning  
But the Krinch just ignored it; he’d be back by morning

And with that, he launched them both into the sky  
Out the castle, and over the moon, did he fly

Down to the village where the Arusians all slept  
He landed in silence, and onwards he crept

Into the houses with great gleeful ease  
Not a single door’s locked, and he went where he pleased

With baskets and bags and boxes for stuffing  
He’d take all their things. The Krinch was not bluffing!

He fast went to work on the houses with joy  
Stealing pink things from girls and blue things from boys

(That was one thing he hated, how oddly it rendered  
That ridiculous thing, where the toys were all gendered)

But the Krinch shook his head and continued his mission  
And Keith was, at his core, quite a brilliant tactician

He slid up the stairways and slunk through the halls  
He took every light and the glass christmas balls

He took the bright stars from the tops of the trees  
And the lion-based manger scene, made out of cheese

And the berries for breakfast and sausage for lunch  
And the bread for their dinner, he took the whole bunch!

He grabbed the decor with a tireless rigor  
And threw it all in his ship, with a great Krinchy vigor

The piles, they grew, and the Red Lion groaned  
_This was **not** right!_ The Red Lion bemoaned

But the Krinch wouldn’t listen, and lastly he took  
A walk through the village for one final look

He poked his head down every chimney and cranny  
Stealing from every last grandpa and granny

And with that, he sighed, having had all his fun  
He did what he had to, and now it was done

Away, through the night, the Krinch lifted his bounty  
To fly to the cliffside along with his mount, he

Would dump the whole thing off the edge of a cliff  
And Christmas would be gone! No _buts_ and no _ifs_.

But when he got there, to the top of the mound  
The Krinch saw, with surprise, someone waiting around

Another great Lion on the cliffside did wait  
And the Krinch landed softly; he’d taken the bait

He couldn’t be stopped now- that much was true  
Even if _that_ Lion was larger; and blue

And down by the paw was a young human pilot  
He looked like he’d been waiting for the Krinch for a while, it

Was only when Red stopped and opened her mouth  
That the Krinch wagered that it was safe to come out

He grabbed a few bags, threw them under his arms  
(Swearing he would not fall for any charms)

And he walked down the ramp straight toward the great drop  
Not a thing could prevent this, or make him stop

When suddenly, he heard a voice, and he spun  
“Keith, what the fuck, man, what have you done?”

Lance held a small bauble, in his hands, Keith had missed  
And he walked towards him, and _damn, Lance looked pissed_

The Krinch shifted his bags, and he stood on the spot  
A little embarrassed at how he’d been caught

He looked at the bauble the Blue Paladin had  
At the greenish-grey coat in which Lance was clad

The quickly-tied shoes of the slumped-shouldered lad  
Upon closer inspection, Lance wasn’t mad; he looked _sad_

“Why would you take from the small and the weak?  
If you were upset, you need only speak”

“To any of us, ‘cause we’re all here for you  
That’s the promise of Voltron and the loyalty of Blue!”

The Krinch stepped back twice, and he started to choke  
But he swallowed his pride, and he angrily spoke:

“I hate the way everyone gets all together-  
And pretends that these good times will go on forever”

“They won’t, and I’ll tell you, cause it happened to me-  
One day you’ll be sad, and alone, and you’ll see!”

“How the lights only burn and the songs only ache-  
And in time you don’t know how much more you can take!”

“So from now on, in winter, and in spring and the fall  
_It’s just better if no one has Christmas at all!_ ”

“But what about friendship, and kissing under mistletoe?”  
“It’s just not enough, Lance, and I think you should go.”

“Oh, cry me a river, shall I hand you a tissue?”  
“Shut the fuck up, I have abandonment issues!”

“Keith, I _can’t_ take much more of your insecure fury  
No one cares that you’re purple, have claws, or are furry!”

“There’s not a thing you can do that will make me remiss-  
For Christmas on Arus or any holiday bliss”

“But what if I offered you family, friendship, or this…”  
Keith looked over as Lance said, “My very first kiss.”

“Holy shit,” said the Krinch, “You have gotta be kidding”  
“I’m gonna dump Christmas and not do your bidding.”

“Please!” said the Blue Pilot, begging at his feet  
And the Krinch stared a while, and his cheeks filled with heat

“Keith, I can help, if you’d just drop the pretense  
We’ll go in your Lion, and give back those presents!”

Said the Krinch towards Lance with a helping of sass  
“I don’t want your kiss, or your virginal ass.”

“Wow, Keith,” exclaimed Lance, with affront and dismay  
“That _really_ came out accidentally gay.”

The Krinch was now flustered, and put on the spot  
And Lance took advantage of how quiet he got

“You talk way too much about being alone  
But it’s hard to believe, because honestly, you’ve shown”

“How true of a friend and how loyal you can be.  
Keith, you deserve to sing songs round that tree”

“In the park that you vandaled, and stole in the night  
But I’m not here to chase, and I’m not here to fight-”

“I’m just here to say, ‘cause it seems such a crime  
That I remember our moment: We bonded that time.”

And the Krinch felt a weight, and he dropped all his stuff  
And he walked towards Lance. and his voice was now rough

“You even remember how I kept you from harm?  
We had a bonding moment, I cradled you in my arms!”

“Yes!" Said Lance with joy, "Yes yes yes yes YES!”  
“I’ll no longer leave you to wonder and guess!”

“I’ll tell you _each day_ how much you mean to me!  
The spirit of _friendship_ is strong, and it’s _free!_ ”

Before Keith could speak, before he did dare  
They heard a small noise from down in Ruville square

It started quite small, but it quickly was growing  
And as the sun rose, and the sunlight was glowing

They heard the Arusians in all of their glory  
Singing their carols, and that’s where this story

Can tell how a _miracle_ came underway:  
The Krinch’s heart grew thirteen sizes that day!

Keith turned on his heel, and he ran for his ship  
“I have to get Christmas back, and get it back quick!”

Lance followed Keith, and they flew down to Ruville  
(Which is really not a copyright violation of Whoville)

They landed the Lion in the midst of the square  
As close to the singing as they possibly dared

And Keith grabbed as many sacks and boxes and bags  
As he could possibly carry, and Lance looked at the tags

And from out of the Lion they passed Christmas gifts  
And Arusians in Ruville were only _slightly_ miffed

But they promised they’d forgive the transgressions that day  
If Keith stayed for supper, and together they’d play

And Lance called the Paladins down from the hill  
And they all ate and drank, merrily singing, but still-

A little thing stayed with Keith all through the night  
A few little words from the midst of their fight

He leaned into Lance, and he brushed by his hips  
And Lance swept him under, and covered his lips

Keith wanted to faint, how did Lance possibly know?  
Said Lance, “That’s what you get, standing under mistletoe!”

So together they sat and they ate Christmas dinner  
Keith was no longer alone, Lance was clearly the winner

And they happily hugged like Arusian tradition  
And Keith did enjoy it by his own admonition

And when it was over, they flew into the night  
And the snow floated down, turning everything white

And the Paladins shouted from their Lions in flight,  
“Merry Christmas to all, ‘cause it turned out alright!”

 


End file.
